Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
