I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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