So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
