If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
