I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
