dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
