A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
