sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
