I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
