When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
