Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
