if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
