She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
