remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
