I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
