He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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