Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
