Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
