I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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