i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
