I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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