You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
