I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
