i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
