youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
