one might say we're banned from that church
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
