drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
