Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My vagina is officially offended.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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