he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
