I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
