Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
