i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
