Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
