I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
