i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
