I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize