Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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