I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
