His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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