problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
