you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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