i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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