I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
