i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
