he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
