theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
