Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
not ubering you a puppy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
