yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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