NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
BRING THE BAGELS
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
