the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
