I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
