sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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