The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
