Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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