We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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