she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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