i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
