she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
