No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
