my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
